where are you, natalie ?
dear friend,
I have always had this weird love/hate relationship with my writing. I loved to do it, always. I loved creating stories because my writing makes me sound like a much better (and less awkward) speaker than I actually am. Plus, as an introvert, it’s easier to type things out, to perfect them, and tweak them to be their absolute best, than it is to, on the fly, say everything that is on my mind that pertains to the conversation happening in that very moment.
Everything changed, however, once I reached college. My reading and writing skills improved, sure! But my love for writing diminished. As I felt the fear of failure slowly starting to creep in from essays I submitted at the very last second, my love for my own personal writings decreased. I became scared; too often I would opt out of picking up the pen and instead would bite all the whites of my nails off, too nervous to even consider the possibility of sharing everything that has been on my mind with the world.
When I first created this blogsite, I was super nervous. I constantly stressed myself out because I felt like nobody in my life truly cared about my writing. My love language is words of affirmation, so when people DIDN’T comment on the super vulnerable, super personal things I shared, I felt betrayed more than ever before. I felt like nobody considered how much I was putting myself out there. I felt like my sharing of my writings was utterly useless and pointless, like nobody was ever reading what I wrote.
Then, COVID hit. And from that point on, I discovered a new love for writing. I pushed down that deep-rooted fear, not truly conquering it, and not truly acknowledging it either; just pushing it aside so that I could write what God had laid on my heart to post and share with friends and family during that time.
Then, I met my boyfriend. He inspired me so, like nothing else ever had, and my writings seemed to flourish for a while… until they didn’t.
Between no longer having a journal to write in and snow keeping me from being able to purchase one I truly liked for two months, my writing fell off. That part of me that kept me sane during my transitional periods in life seemed to have vanished in the chaos of what my life had become. For the first time, I was no longer a stick stuck in the mud, watching everyone move by while I just laid there, gross and useless. For the first time, I was a leaf, fallen off of a tree and blowing in the wind alongside all the other leaves. More often than not, however, the winds are harsh and I run into things that keep me from progressing. Sometimes, I even fall to the ground, crushed beneath the weight of the shoes that walk all over me — never even noticing that I am there.
What I’m trying to say is that a LOT has changed in my life in the past year and some change. So between trying to adjust to the change and having to change myself to fit new scenarios and circumstances I’d never even pondered before, writing has been both the first and last thing on my mind.
The first, because I love it. Truly! And I want to share every aspect of my life with my loyal readers (if there are any left after this year-long hiatus, that is).
And the last, because as I’ve changed, so has my writing style. For the better, that is.
I still love the idea of Weekly Love Letters from yours truly. I still love teaching! I love guiding people closer to Christ, especially young women who don’t even know where to begin with a gazillion voices telling her what to do and how to act.
However, I think I want to expand my content, too. I want it all to still be evermore God-glorifying — but I want to get more personal with my lovely readers. I want to share things like my testimony. Things like my hair care journey. How I’ve become more sustainable in how I shop. How I truly want to live an entirely ethical life, pondering every decision I make and how it can bring me closer to God if I do it the way He wants me to. I want to bring in the girly alongside the godly and politically incorrect.
I want to share all of this, and more, alongside my regular content. I’m honestly feeling a little burnt out. And so, I think that this expansion of the things I discuss on here will help me see my writing in a better light once again — and will help me fall in love with this little alphabet that helps me so wonderfully consider and feel and think so deeply about anything and everything — and I want to share it all with you, dear friend.
I’ll leave you with this verse that’s been on my mind lately:
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me. And the life I now live, I live by grace in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.”
— Galatians 2:20, English Standard Version
Therefore: because He gave of Himself for me — so I shall give of myself for Him.
much love & more,
